


My Best Friends

by YamiSarah_SpiritDetective



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF, youtube-Fandom
Genre: F/M, Female Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, NateWantsToBattle - Freeform, Reader-Insert, Youtube ego, dark ego, it all works out in the end, relationship can be seen as romantic or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YamiSarah_SpiritDetective/pseuds/YamiSarah_SpiritDetective
Summary: When Natemare comes to you for comfort after having one of his break downs, you come to realize just how much the dark side means to you.





	My Best Friends

Summary: When Natemare comes to you for comfort after having one of his break downs, you come to realize just how much the dark side means to you.

 

Warnings: This fic mentions suicide, however nothing is described. If this bothers you, please do not read. Also contains brief strong language, and mild language throughout.

 

Characters: Reader, Nate, and Natemare.

 

Pairing: ReaderxNatemare (can be read as romantic or friendship)

 

Big thank you to the-wild-ego on tumblr for inspiring me to write this! Without her this story wouldn't have happened. I wrote this some time in 2017, but I only got an AO3 account at the beginning of December.

 

I do not claim to know what Nathan would say, think, do, or feel in any situation at any time. This is merely a work of fiction meant to entertain.

 

My Best Friends

 

_Being an adult really sucks monkey-butt,_ you thought sourly as you trudged through the front door.

 

A wide yawn escaped your lips as you shut the door and locked it. It felt so good to finally be home after being at work all day, and better yet, it was the weekend! You were one of the few blessed to not work on the weekends, and you relished it. The past week seemed to just drag, and often you were so tired when you got home that you did nothing more than eat dinner and either watch TV, or watch Nate play video games. Unfortunately, this past week also included dealing with a moody Natemare, which neither you nor Nate had the patience to deal with. You were so ready for a break.

 

Speaking of, where were those two? Usually one of them greeted you when you got home.

 

“Nate, you home?” you called out.

 

No reply. The same thing happened when you called out for Natemare. Where was everybody? Once you sat your purse on the coffee table in the living room, you fished your phone out of your pants' pocket and saw that your text alert was flashing. You wondered how you missed the message, but then remembered that you had put it on silent while at work and forgotten to turn the volume back up. Once you unlocked the device you saw that you had a text from Nate, sent about thirty minutes ago.

 

**Hey gonna be working late. This is taking longer than I thought it would >:/**

 

You chuckled and tapped your phone to type a reply.

 

**Was wondering where you were. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I forgot to take my phone off silent. And no biggy, but I expect some Nate bonding tomorrow, mister! >:( **

 

After hitting send, you grabbed your purse and tiredly made your way to your bedroom. Once the ceiling light was turned on, you placed your purse on top of your dresser and tossed your phone onto the bed. As you went about doing your nightly routine, you heard your phone chime with a new text. With night shirt in hand, you snatched up the phone and unlocked it.

 

**Das ok. And duh of course we are. I dunno when I'll be home though.**

 

You slipped your shirt on before replying, **Damn straight. Be safe coming home.**

 

It sometimes worried you when Nate stayed late at the studio and then drove home, fearing him falling asleep at the wheel. So far that hasn't happened, but it didn't stop you from thinking about it.

 

Your friend texted back as you walked into the kitchen to get some dinner. Deciding on reheating the pizza left over from yesterday, you placed three slices onto a plate and popped it into the microwave. Leaning against the counter, you opened the text.

 

**Will do.**

 

Just as you were about to put your phone down, you remembered something and brought the message back up.

 

**BTW is Natemare with you? I didn't see him when I came home.**

 

Natemare frequently liked to follow Nate to the studio, and it was hit or miss on whether Nate would come home grumpy or not, depending on Natemare's mood. At first you both thought it was solely because he wanted to cause trouble for the musician, but after getting to know the shadow creature, you found it was much more than that.

 

**Nope haven't seen him. He's probably some where in the house being his moody self.**

 

**I gotta go now, I'll talk to you later.**

 

You typed back, **K have fun.**

 

The microwave beeped just as you hit send. You took the plate out and sat it on the counter.

 

_I wonder where he is then?_ You thought as you grabbed your favorite drink out of the fridge.

 

Had you not been so tired you would have looked for him, but you could practically hear the couch calling your name, and with your empty stomach angrily making itself known, you eagerly walked into the living room and sat down on the comfy furniture, all thoughts of Natemare left behind. You could feel the day's tension melting away as you relaxed into the plump cushions, letting out a soft moan of content.

 

_Ah, sitting. Sitting is wonderful._

 

Turning the television on along with the Blu-ray player, you decided on watching the movie that Nate had left in there instead of flipping through channels and maybe finding something. You placed your drink on the coffee table after taking a sip from it and settled in as _Captain America: The Winter Soldier_ started.

 

Roughly thirty-five minutes passed and you had since devoured the pizza and downed the drink. With a full stomach and a blanket now wrapped around you, you were starting to feel quite sleepy. Just as your eyes were about to drift shut, the sound of a door opening down the hall snapped them back open and brought you to attention. You looked in the direction of the hallway.

 

“Natemare?” you called.

 

“Mm hmm,” he responded.

 

The dark side walked into view, hands in his pockets and shoulders slumped. Even from your position on the couch, you could see that his eyes were partially black, which in turn made you notice how much bolder the stripes under his eyes were. They only got that way when he...oh, no.

 

“Mare, have you been crying?” you gently inquired.

 

A shrug was your only response.

 

“Where have you been all day?”

 

“Nate's room,” he hoarsely answered.

 

“Nate's room?” you said in a confused tone. “But he said he hasn't seen you.”

 

Looking off to the side, almost in shame, Natemare quietly replied, “I was in the closet.”

 

_The closet? …oh. Oh, shit!_

 

In that moment you felt like the biggest asshole to ever walk the earth. And you were sure that once you told Nate, he would feel even worse. How could you not have noticed? Natemare always went into a week long funk leading up to his really bad days, and you and Nate had been so preoccupied with your own lives that you didn't even care to notice. You felt your cheeks heat up in pure embarrassment and your heart drop into your stomach.

 

“Mare, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize-” you put your face in your hands, “I am seriously an ass.”

 

“S'okay. You've both been really busy.”

 

You shook your head. “No, that's not an excuse.” You stood up from the couch, tossing the blanket aside, and went to stand in front of Natemare. You had dealt with his fits before, but Nate was much better at it. Being that Natemare was born from Nate, it made sense that the shadow wielder took comfort in his lighter half. That didn't stop you from trying, and though he never admitted it, it made him happy that you cared enough to try.

 

He glanced up at you with tear filled eyes before turning his gaze back to the floor. The guilt was eating away at you; you knew you had to do something. Biting your bottom lip, you looked over at the movie, then to him.

 

“Why don't you come sit with me?” you offered softly. “The movie still has a long ways to go.”

 

You held up your hand for him to take. He looked at you for a second, then down to your waiting hand. His own came out of his pocket and hovered over yours, hesitating. You smiled at him, allowing him to go at his own pace. You had been impatient with Natemare for far too long. The reward was great as he placed his hand in yours, cold flesh meeting warm. He was always so cold.

 

Nonetheless, you grasped his hand and led him over to the couch where you both sat down. He let go of your hand, which slightly disappointed you, only for him to lay down and place his head in your lap. Tears dripped off his face and onto your legs as he curled up; it felt like ice water. You grabbed the blanket from earlier and draped it over his body, bringing it up to his shoulders, hoping it would warm him up. He snuggled more into you and curled up tighter.

 

_We've ignored him so much this week. I feel so bad,_ you thought sadly as you settled against the couch. _I can't even imagine what must have been going through his mind every time we brushed him aside._

 

You were brought out of your thoughts when you felt Natemare grab your hand and place it on his head, silently asking for you to pet him. Giggling, you complied with his request and gently carded your fingers through his soft black hair. There was a low rumble in his chest as you did that, sounding almost like a purr. Nate always said that Natemare was just like a cat, and you couldn't help but agree.

 

The heat from the blanket, your soothing pets, plus the movie playing, had lulled Natemare into a calm sleep. There were black stains on your skin from where his tears had dried, but you didn't care. Even if they never washed away, that was okay- they would always serve as a reminder to be more aware of what was going on around you.

 

As Steve and Bucky duked it out on the helicarrier, you decided to let Nate know what had transpired. Grabbing your phone off the armrest, you unlocked it and went to your messages with Nate.

 

With one hand, you typed, **So I found out why Mare's been so moody lately and where he's been all day.**

 

You hadn't really expected Nate to reply quickly since he was so busy, but when your phone chimed five minutes later, you quickly snatched it up. You hoped the sound hadn't woken Natemare up. After a tense few seconds, he remained asleep. You let out a quiet sigh of relief and opened the message.

 

**Ok?**

 

You were mildly annoyed at the one word reply.

 

**He's been in your closet.**

 

That was all you needed to say. As soon as you hit send, you turned your phone on silent before it woke Natemare up. Almost immediately Nate replied.

 

**...fuck.**

 

**Fuck fuck how did I miss that?! Dammit!**

 

**How is he? Is he ok?**

 

Looking down at Natemare's sleeping form, a small smile appeared on your face.

 

**Asleep now. I feel so awful Nate. He was so sad when he came out of your room. We've practically ignored him all week.**

 

You couldn't remember the last time you felt so guilty. Tears welled in your eyes as you thought more about it, your heart feeling like it was going to shatter.

 

**I know and the signs were so obvious. I'm coming home, this stuff can wait.**

 

Now this actually surprised you. Short of his house being set on fire, it was nearly impossible to drag Nate away from the studio. He must have felt horrendous to leave a project unfinished, because if there was one thing he hated, it was not completing what he set out to do.

 

**You don't have to do that. He's fast asleep and will probably just sleep the rest of the night. Finish your stuff.**

 

The possibility of Natemare waking up on his own was slim, as he tended to sleep like a rock once he finally could go to sleep.

 

**I'm already on my way. I can finish in the morning.**

 

“Alright, then,” you murmured.

 

Natemare let out a soft groan and shifted slightly, prompting you to cover your mouth and pray that you hadn't just woken him up. Thankfully he only turned so that he was facing your stomach, snuggling into it. You had to keep yourself from giggling when he hit a ticklish spot on your stomach. You fondly smiled at him.

 

_Why are you so adorable when you sleep? If anybody saw you like this, it would never even occur to them just what you are capable of. If you wanted to, you could kill all of us without breaking a sweat, yet you choose not to. I used to be afraid of you, you know. I'd heard such awful things about what the other dark sides had done to their other halves, and I was so scared that you would try to hurt Nate and everybody he cared about. But you didn't. You were so broken when Nate brought you home, he didn't think you'd ever recover._

 

You frowned as painful memories began to resurface. _Sometimes he would call me in tears, because you had just tried to commit suicide again. This was all before I met you, before I moved in._ Tears of shame welled in your eyes and trailed down your cheeks at the next memory. _I'll never tell you this, but part of me hoped you would die, so that Nate would be safe and live in peace._ Your bottom lip started to quiver as more tears fell, and you had to fight to not let out a sob. _But even when your mind finally settled down and you could think clearly, I still didn't want you around. You were causing so much trouble for Nate, and when I finally moved in, you bugged the daylights out of me._

 

_It wasn't until I saw your first break down, at least, first for me, that I began to understand why you acted the way you did. You don't deserve to die, Natemare, you didn't even ask to live. I tried to be more patient and understanding after that, but I know I wasn't always the best._ Swallowing the thick lump in your throat, you tilted your head back to stare at the ceiling. _I want to try harder, though, because even though you bring utter chaos wherever you go, I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you there._

 

You weren't sure when you realized that you did, in fact, love the dark man, you just knew you did. Did Natemare know this? After being so blasé with him all week, it wouldn't surprise you if he thought you hated him. His attempts to kill himself may have stopped, but his emotions were still pretty fragile, which he attempted to hide behind manic grins and disorder. Oh, you knew he liked to be a pest, there was no denying that. Sometimes he would see just how far he could push you or Nate or any of your other friends before one of you exploded. That was his base nature.

 

You faintly chuckled. _Never a dull moment._

 

The weariness you felt earlier came back, making it a struggle to keep your eyes open. You had wanted to stay awake until Nate got home, yet it seemed that wasn't going to happen. Sleep won as your eyelids slid closed and you drifted off.

 

Nate arrived home twenty minutes after you had fallen asleep. He hurried to get the door unlocked and opened. The sight that greeted him when he got it open and went inside stopped the singer in his tracks, as he beheld you and Natemare snuggled together on the couch.

 

_Okay, this is way too precious,_ Nate thought as he slid his phone out of his pocket and turned on the camera to take a picture.

 

Once he saved it, he re-pocketed the phone and quietly approached the couch. Both of you looked to be in a peaceful slumber, which was a relief to him. He felt horrible for the way he had treated Natemare when he was struggling so much. Like you, Nate had come to care deeply for his other half, and seeing him in pain hurt Nate as well.

 

“I'm sorry, buddy,” Nate whispered.

 

“Are you?”

 

Nate jumped slightly at the unexpected question. “Did I wake you?”

 

“You weren't exactly being quiet when you opened the door,” Natemare whispered back, partially opening his eyes and turning his head so he could see Nate.

 

“Oh, right, sorry. I was in a hurry to see you.”

 

Natemare furrowed his brow in confusion. “You were? Wait, why are you home? You can't be finished with the recording yet.”

 

Shrugging, Nate replied, “There's not much left, I can finish in the morning. But to answer your other question, yes, I am sorry.” A look of guilt appeared on his face. “I've been a crap friend.”

 

“We both have,” you mumbled.

 

Nate watched as you forced your eyes to open, tilting your head down so you could see both boys. Your neck had become stiff from keeping it leaned back so long, causing you to groan and rub the back of it.

 

Natemare shrugged. “I can't expect you guys to put your lives on hold every time my brain decides to go insane.”

 

“You're not insane, Mare,” you said, followed by a yawn.

 

“I think some people would debate you on that,” Natemare retorted.

 

“Well, to be fair, you do like to scare the hell out of everyone,” Nate said lightheartedly.

 

A small grin spread across Natemare's mouth, causing Nate to smile as well.

 

“Yeah, that's true.” The grin faded into a frown. “I just...I can't always help it. It's just,” he sighed tiredly and placed a hand over his eyes, “how I was born.”

 

“We know that, dude. I wish I could take it all away,” Nate said honestly.

 

“Me too,” you agreed. “I wish we could help more.”

 

Lowering his hand, Natemare pressed his cheek closer to your lap as his thumb gently caressed your black-stained skin. “You already do,” he mumbled. “You're my best friends.”

 

There was a stinging sensation in Nate's eyes as he felt his heart swell with emotion. Leaning forward, he tenderly placed his forehead against his doppelganger's. “Yeah, buddy, we are.”

 

You felt yourself choke up again at the intimate display. Sniffling, you gripped Natemare's shoulder and laid a sweet kiss on the top of his head. “And we aren't going anywhere. That's a promise.”

 

Closing his dark eyes, black tears trailed down Natemare's cheeks, a low purr rumbling in his chest. He knew that as long as he had you two there to help him fight through this, he would be alright.

 


End file.
